It Gets Better

When you first start dating again after a breakup, you're most likely going to go on tons of dud dates before you meet the right guy. You're probably going to have to deal with rejection, as some guys you end up liking will inevitably drop off the face of the earth or give you the old fashioned slow fade after you've been hooking up for a few weeks. Sigh.

But it gets better.

So put down the cookie dough, girl! Be friendly and kind to the guys you date, while keeping your feelings in check until they really begin to invest some of their own. Expect some things to go wrong, and allow yourself the emotional wiggle room to deal with whatever comes. I promise you, even if it seems like you're not meeting anyone worth your time, you will. And if a few you thought were promising end up just being disappointing, that's ok! Remember, you prepared for this.

Just keep meeting people, keep an open mind, and keep your thoughts positive and focused on what you're looking for. You will find it.

Use It (Your Phone) Or Lose It (My Number)

WTF is up with guys and not calling?

I understand that if you've only been dating a few weeks, a guy might need a day or two to himself each week with no communication. Fine. A day or two. But not three or four. Once you cross the line of hooking up with someone you have to check in. For one thing, it's common courtesy. And for another -- it's assumed that if you like someone enough to jump in bed with them, you might actually think about them when they're not with you. JUST A THOUGHT.

I met a guy who seemed to be down to hang out all the time. When I'd see him, if I mentioned I was in his hood the day before, he'd ask why I didn't stop by. Every time we'd hang out, he'd ask what I'm doing the next night. Of course I didn't expect to hang out 2 nights in a row after just a few dates and assumed he was joking. If he was really serious, I'd gladly have seen him the next night. I liked the dude. But like I said, I assumed he was joking. And here's why: HE DIDN'T CALL.

Despite how interested he'd act on our dates, the next day, without fail, he'd go incommunicato. Meanwhile, other guys I'd met would be blowing up my phone to make plans or even just to say hi. But not this one. He'd wait a day or two just to send one measly text. I have to be honest, it was a huge turnoff.

I try to be understanding of men -- their need for personal space, their schedules, their inability to complete simple tasks like having conversations. But really, enough bullshit. If you like a girl, call her. If you hate talking on the phone, text her (more than a one-sentence convo, if it's not too much trouble). Once you've taken a girl's pants off, I think there should be a strict rule that you can't go more than 24 hours without a simple "can't wait to see you" or "how's your day going?" text. If you don't like a girl enough to want to chat on off days, you have no business taking off her pants at all.

Red Flags

What types of comments make you want to cut and run? Not just because the date is boring, his haircut sucks, or you want to get home in time for Real Housewives. But because you think you already know the reason you're going to break up with the guy and you haven't even started dating him yet?

Here are some I've personally heard:

All my exes are crazy.

My mom really wants me to get married. I'm hoping one of my siblings gets married first to take the pressure off me.

My last girlfriend and I are best friends now.

mmmk.

I have had to train myself to see these comments for what they are and not assume things will change. Because they never do. So you can take the risk of dating him, knowing this flaw is almost certain to come back to bite you in the ass. Or you can wait for the guy who simply hasn't met the right person yet, has no strings attached to his past, and is ready to see you for what you truly are: AWESOME. Because that is how the right guy will feel about you, and anyone else simply doesn't deserve your time.

How You Doin?

He could be a perfectly nice 5'2" man, and he's certainly one flashy motherfucker but I couldn't help posting this online dating profile for your viewing pleasure.

Whatever UR Loss

This is an actual message I received from a guy whose IMs I ignored on an online dating site (for good reason!)

Dating Advice from... Deena Cortese

"I don't have sex on the first night. It's not Halloween!"

If We're Going to Talk on the Phone

...have something else to joke about besides Justin Bieber.