On Snooping

In a healthy relationship, there is no snooping. When you have two-way trust, it's something you can feel. You know you're with a man who means what he says and says what he means and you have no reason to be suspicious. You don't have a shaky feeling when he goes out for a guy's night, and you don't have sirens going off in your brain when he says "nothing happened" at that bachelor party. Trust your female intuition -- it's a powerful thing.

Now, on to snooping. I'm sure there are a small number of women who have snooped out of their own insecurities. But not me. I have only snooped when I knew exactly what I was looking for and just needed confirmation. Trust is a basic right in a relationship, and if someone violates it, you have a right to get the facts.

On our first date, my ex and I actually discussed snooping. I don't remember how it came up, but he mentioned that his last girlfriend had gone through his text messages while they were dating. This was a huge red flag because I know exactly what prompts a woman to snoop: Lies. And other women. I wish I paid more attention.

But of course, there are some lessons we all learn the hard way. I don't know why I was so surprised to find out he'd been lying to me, too. But I'm glad I snooped, or else I never would have known.

So a word of caution: Snooping shouldn't be a habit. It should be a one-time thing or last resort. And know that if you do decide to forgive him for what you've found, you'll have two strikes against you going into phase 2 of your relationship -- not only will you find it hard to let go of the information you acquired, but he'll now have trust issues with you for snooping, however unfair that may be. I'll talk more about snooping and forgiveness in an upcoming post, so stay tuned.